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we were inspired by the upcoming 5th anniversary of his arrival(...advent??) to write a guide on how to engage with a wandering daj. cowritten by the creature himself! take what you think is helpful, leave what isn’t :-) enjoy!
intro
my brother is a traveler.
he hops from world to world, body to body, seeking precious memories, intense emotions, and other such vitalities to feed his spirit. some call this soul-sucking, possession, psychic or emotional vampirism. we call it an average tuesday.
kadaj's history of possession is rather frightening. many people who have encountered him -- from kyrie in the novellas to morikubo in the studio -- have walked away from the encounter confused, overwhelmed, or even physically or psychologically harmed. but it's important to keep in mind that all of these instances were "first contacts", and sometimes, stories from people without any knowledge of what a remnant of sephiroth is/what we can do.
i think there's a certain reluctance to address the fact that some villainous fictionfolk still have amoral or morally-gray tendencies that follow them into the present. especially if those folk are nonhuman. i've also noticed a sense of "certain things Shouldn't Be Allowed to enter inside my own head" when it comes to random encounters of fiction in metaphysical or psychological space. kadaj is a great example of why these strict mindsets are unhelpful. insisting on these despite evidence to the contrary can do way more harm than good, as you will see from my personal experience later on in this post.
using some info on my daily life with him, our existence as a remnants of sephiroth, his own insight, and a lot of experience with communications beyond the veil, i made this guide to make any potential kadaj-encounters less overwhelming. and for folks who don't have any likelihood of coming across him specifically, maybe this can enlighten you on how to engage with less-than-perfect fictional & supernatural entities.
clarity
this guide is based on the idea of a kadaj appearing as a walk-in, a soulbond, or in another sporadic/involuntary manner, usually to feed, rather than deliberate summoning or something like tulpamancy.
we believe in multiverses, so its pretty much certain that any kadaj encounter won't be synthesis-kadaj. doubles, triples, quadruples and more are kind of inherent to being a remnant -- we're literally just some made up sephiroths walking around and talking. we also have a whole ass system and a few close friends that offer him plenty of material, to the point where if synthesis-kadaj does have to travel, it's gotten DIRE.
all that to say, don't worry, we aren't personally gonna find out your deepest fears or darkest secrets or anything. and even if we did, its for food prep only.
this is a nonexhaustive list. it's also not any guarantee. kadaj is an individual, and like any individual is subject to changes in personality and communication style. even between kadajes, they might try different tactics. but after 5 years, some study, and some internal convo, this is what we've got nailed down.
things to expect
hyperverbality
when he's going on a journey, it may have been awhile since he last found an accessible "in". even without the lonely-travel-time aspect, he loves to talk... a lot. and quite fast.
trying to "figure you out"
he may ask pointed personal questions. or, if you have a robust inner world, or a more powerful mind's-eye that manifests forms in physical space, he may get near you to gather information through touch.
this is how he gets his life force. gathering memories -- particularly emotionally intense ones, is part of what keeps him alive; and again, he may have traveled awhile and gotten a bit hungry. any memories involved shouldn't disappear. he makes a copy/mimic of them.
what this might feel like:
- becoming physically or mentally drained
- headaches or migraines (he really liked to trigger cloud's and our auras)
- feeling scrutinized or judged, even without direct questioning
- telepathic communication -- if he's touching you, you might notice your thoughts being read and answered without any speech.
- if you have a memory guardian/memory gatekeeping protocol in your inner world, it might be triggered, or thatindividual may feel intruded on as well.
trying to trigger emotional reactions
part of the figuring-out phase is for the purpose of eventually getting some kind of intense emotion from you/the system. once he's prodded around enough, he'll basically do anything to get a rise out of you. flashbacks, shifting forms, nightmares, or just getting you mad as fuck for no reason.
things YOU can do, to make a kadaj encounter go as smoothly as possible
a lot of the above sounds pretty scary, huh? well, good news. the point of all of that was to set the stage for the fact that It Does Not Have To Be That Way. by recognizing the above patterns, you can slither around his "protocol" a bit and make the encounter a mutual one, as opposed to some kind of attack. or, you can just brace yourself and go along for a wild ride. it's up to you!
bare minimum, acknowledge his presence
this helps ground you in the current situation, and lets him know he is being seen. even if you just feel an uneasy sense of something that is kadaj-esque, a simple "hello" might be enough to make him reveal himself and lower the pressure. let him know that you know what's up and whether you're willing to let him stay for dinner. if you just want him to gtfo, say so as soon as possible. you are not obligated to keep him. there's some random out there that didn't read this that he can bother, surely.
set boundaries early on
this is tied to acknowledgement, and can lower the chance of emotional hijacking or overwhelm on your part. state clearly that you know he's there; what you allow and don't allow him to do with your mind/memories; whether he's allowed to touch you or systemmates, etc. if he asks a question you're uncomfortable with, cut him off. he'll get snippy, but if you've stated that you're allowing him to stay, he'll usually move on.
don't feed the troll
ah, the ancient texts. they apply even here. sometimes, if he's not able to access memories, he might just start saying random shit to piss you off. if he starts saying things you know are untrue, or are just straight up insulting: don't argue, don't respond. if he senses that you're unbothered, or that you're the type to put your foot down and tell him to leave, he won't keep it up. he's more of an ambush predator than an endurance one. once he's out of options with one place, he'll try somewhere else.
offer, don't let him "take"
every time he asks a question and you feel comfortable to answer, ask one of him. this not only sets a stage where no one is "in control" of the other, but also leads to more flowing communication.
spin the yarn a bit. act out dramatic or funny memories. give gossip, vent, or rant right back at him. tell him about a beloved person, being, pet, or something else that produces strong emotions that aren't necessarily negative. positive memories produce the same amount of energy as negative ones, but his nature is to target negativity. you can avoid that part by taking some initiative!
regular conversation also encourages genuine bond-building, as opposed to a dine-and-dash scenario, if you're looking to have him stick around as a more constant part of your world.
take time to relax
documented kadaj instances -- fictional and not, positive and negative -- often result in the person he encounters becoming fatigued and confused following direct engagement. expect that this will happen to you and plan accordingly.
if he "walks in" at an inopportune time (ex. at work, in public, around family, if they're not cool) still acknowledge him, silently if necessary. but keep conversation to a minimum until you're at a place you feel able to sit and rest for awhile.
if you plan on letting him return/remain, the exhaustion eventually lets up. like any exercise, you will start to build a tolerance. how long this takes will vary.
other things to consider
appearance
he might not appear as he does "canonically", or based on personal interpretations/headcanons. he may look very different. if you have systemmates, he may try to take on appearances that are similar to theirs (ex. if you have mostly humanoids, he will appear humanoid. if you have mostly nonhumans, he may pick a form that is similar to someone else's). if he stays for several days or weeks or longer, his appearance might change entirely throughout the period of time. but he will always call himself kadaj. you won't have to amongus sus him out -- he has always been very insistent on who and what he truly is.
deification
we HIGHLY advise against turning him into an object of worship/personal deity/deity archetype. this is less to do with anything going Wrong and more to do with him as a being. he's not human, he has otherworldly abilities, but he's still an individual with desires and goals beyond becoming an object of reverence. respect is not the same as worship.
additionally, because of the variance inherent to being a remnant of sephiroth, he may appear to you as a child or teen, with the mindset to match. i don't think i have to go into detail as to why deifying a child might be a terrible idea.
timing
the phase of the moon. yes, like a werewolf. kadaj is very attuned to the moon. if you're unsure if a presence is really him or not, check the moon phase. he tends to be more active during the waxing->full phases as opposed to the waning->new phases.
for the reunion
if you think his appearance is actually reunion-related (ex. you are/are questioning being a remnant or other jenova/sephiroth influenced being -- including characters who were part of SOLDIER, or a geostigma bearer) first off: hi welcome to the club. secondly: try asking if that's what brought him! sometimes its hard for us to tell right away, with such a basic instinct. starting off a conversation with "hey, jsyk, we might be involved in this way" can help clear the air and help the both of you move forward. and, if you're questioning, you might get a bonus confirmation or denial. he is very blunt about who he considers "family".
guide conclusion
pretty much as long as you're confident, self-aware, and able to cope with triggers and ragebait without lashing out, you've got this! and who knows, you might get a new buddy out of it.
loz's personal experience
kadaj has lived with me now for half a decade. we've had a lot of ups and downs as i've tried to figure out his needs and wants in relation to mine.
it wasn't until very recently that we had a reciprocal relationship. at first i was extremely overwhelmed by his presence. so were the other members of syzygy. we tried to refuse his demands for attention and memories, but this ended up backfiring, because my rejection was causing him a lot of pain, resulting in really extreme possessive experiences, nightmares, and tormenting systemmates.
it turned out this was happening because he was drawn to me through reunion instinct. but i was refusing to let him near because i was ignorant of my own remnant body and what it needed. at the time he appeared, i was focused on other people in meatspace, often having to play a caretaker role even though i didn't want to. i was afraid of becoming a caretaker for him too; i was scared that he specifically saw me as a maternal figure.
this was not the case. he recognized me as loz before anyone else in the system did, and while i was waffling back and forth about whether or not it was worth exploring that any further than "i'm loz kin". basically, his presence was a harsh wake up call for me to get my shit together and address my inner truth.
the first few years were very stressful. the Now is some of the most fulfilled i've felt in my whole life. it's taken a lot of work: the same boundary setting, back and forth interactions, and regular acknowledgement that i list here, as well as many personal practices involving our inner world and my inhuman identity. i feel a deep familial connection, obviously. i consider him as equal in importance to my younger siblings, nieces, and nephews in meatspace. they all evoke a similar feeling in my heart of fierce love and protectiveness. i take a lot of pride in having been his protector in the past, and am grateful for his persistence in making sure i don't shy away from myself in the present. i never feel like i need to be his caretaker -- more that there's a reciprocal desire for sharing time, memories, and affection between ourselves and with yazoo.
and of course, a lingering question.
this sounds so draining... why put up with it?
well, i, personally, do not have a choice. syzygy tried and tried and tried to get rid of him. used everything from metaphysics to occult to psychology and psychiatry. nothing worked. eventually it became clear that this instance was my kadaj -- my one of two counterparts that were never meant to be separated from me in the first place. the only option moving forward was curiosity and compromise.
and lastly
because everyone in my life currently has, at one point or another, had the same patience for me. and i have a personal desire to keep that energy flowing in the world. simple as.