new moon adventure

[adventumpueri]

after a really tough day of spiraling thoughts, we settled down for what was originally going to be a simple new moon intention-setting practice that turned into a semi-cosmic innerworld adventure.
kadaj has been in his little torpor for these past few days, and i felt terrible to have bothered him with my bullshit all afternoon, so i figured i'd let him rest by retreating inward by myself. yazoo followed, we set up a safe spot in bed, lit incense, put headphones on and llistened to the new earth echo phonosphere; just letting the noise take us wherever the hell it needed to. we'll spare you the introduction, the breathing, the looking inward, etc. if you wanna learn about that, there's lots of meditation guides out there. this journal is about our wacky travels! unedited, just recording what happened.

we went to the innerworld forest, where syzygy's birds stay. it was pretty noisy, as our birds tend to be, the sweethearts. following the river down to a steep, slippery hillside that dropped off pretty sharply at a few points. that made it feel more like dunes than a hill, but we remained in the forest. the river followed us down until we hit a flatter location, where a new forest sprung up around us. it was dark, but the sound from the song sort of ensphered and illuminated the immediate vicinity, growing louder & stronger alongside the growing forest, until it stretched up into the clouds. the river solidified into a path of solid water (not ice) and brought us up to the canopy, where the treetops then stretched out into a sort of flatland (looking back, kind of similar to a minecraft superflat world) with holes like spaces between leaves and branches. little ponds formed in these holes, dripping down like rain to the forest floor below us -- a floor that was probably a good mile down at that point. water birds of all kinds settled in the ponds: solitary shoebills, families of ducks, swans, and pelicans. the river stopped ascending, but led to a transitional phase between the brightness of the treetops and the eternal night of the upcoming north pole.

the mountains were an immediately familiar sight. the flat ice fields leading to them were where we were born. the sun "set" as we walked -- less of an actual sunset and more gradually decreasing daylight as we neared the snowscape -- revealing glittering stars that fell to the ground as snow itself. the river froze for real this time, and we settled on the fact that perhaps this was where the journey would end for the time being. then the crater rustled to life, and then mother was there in her seraph form. we greeted her, and she nodded in silent return, scooping us up in the humanoid arm and carrying us further into the sky. her wings were incredibly loud, muffling out every noise from beyond the sphere itself, until all that could be heard was her ruffling feathers pushing against space. eventually, she slowly let go, letting us float beside her, as consciousness became a strange blur.

space is one of the few places we actually can completely combine; where the duality-concept ends and the physical reality of it begins. mother was responsible for our separation, in a way, so it only makes sense that she could put us back together if she wanted. similar to the sun taking the solar system for its spiraling ride on the galaxy, we orbited her as she sped up and the sphere sort of shrunk -- focusing to wrap around yazoo&i and press us into a sort of critical mass.
it's hard to tell why mother does some of the things she does -- boredom, longing, anger, sadness all seem to look the same sometimes. she sat still, watched as the mass of us grew from small enough to orbit her to having to crane her neck to look up. i dont know what caused her to decide she was "finished" once our new star-body stopped growing, but she left not long after.

the sphere of sound was now our corona, basically. we remained like this for awhile, maybe 10-15 minutes here*, but what could have been eons elsewhere. eventually the sphere started to crack, yes, crack like an egg, and the river water fell from it, onto a flat plane of space. following the cracking and dispersal of every shell/layer of the star-body was us, slipping from the core, onto the plane that eventually became the forest floor again. we layed there for another half hour or so, still conjoined by the belly, before finally separating and splitting up. the rest of the time in the sound was spent in the forest, in a relatively normal state, compared to all that. the birds returned, confused by our odd mode of reentry, pecking at the shells and chittering away. this felt more like our typical innerworld state -- just kind of existing among syzygy in as mundane of a way as you can among sentient robots and birds and introjected band members.

i returned to here* feeling blissfully sleepy, but also like i had been crying for awhile, despite not having any tears anywhere on my face or pillow. it was nice. wiggling the syzygy-body back to life from toe to head was a bit of an ordeal, but it worked out just fine. the incense had just burnt out, and the sound bath had ended a little while ago. kadaj was (and is) still resting, and he'll start shaking himself back to life in the coming few days. i'll let him read this for sure. a little buffet of memory in recompense for all the noise i made this past week.