remedies for remnants, thoughtforms, and other yet-tangible beings -- part one: names and shapes

[adventumpueri]

As Per Our Prior Entries, we've been having a difficult time with a certain entity (that we have been calling a few different names), its desire to keep kadaj from leaving the private headspace and entering the tangible world, and its method of doing so by subjecting myself to rounds of self loathing, exhaustion, and doubt.

this specific "version" of the entity i have been calling The Dissolutor, as the way it has attacked me recently and in the past has been in the shape of people, places, things and systems that attempt to dissolve my sense of self until i am silent, palatable, and repressed enough to play the role given to me by many grander Narratives -- the tool, the servant, the obstacle for the "real characters" of the world. The Dissolutor operates as a sort of "arbiter of fate", though in a more insidious, inter/personal or cultural manner than the reality-bending entities found in the remakes. it is sneaky as fuck, and appears not only in the headspace, but in other ways, such as through the systemic erasure of our names, the lack of/repression of images that reflect who we all are, and a chronic feeling of depersonaliztion and "unreal"ness. the following screed will get into what this means for us and how we've been fighting back.

there's some things in here that might raise some hackles, as fictionfolk are often treated as a fuckin' nuisance to the average fandom goer, and a majority of my following are... fandom-goers. so. as a remnant/thoughtform, this isn't just about demanding more fanart or gifs or whatever the internet has taught you us entitled fictionfolk "think we deserve". it is about survival, and finding new ways to survive as beings in a world that is trying its hardest to "keep us in our place". anyone familiar with advent children is familiar with that final, defiant line from sephiroth: "i will never be a memory".

as much as we grapple with the idea of a universal "purpose", us being memory-creatures is vital to how we walk through the world. in order to survive, sephiroth needed symbols of herself to walk the earth, which is the original reason for our creation. now that she has moved on to bigger, probably better, things, it's our turn. for our turn, we need to create and reclaim our own symbols, and refuse to be made small and quiet.

anyways. to subvert the will of this Dissolutor, my siblings and i have made a sort of guide/journal/exercise list. this first part is about creating and reclaiming personal imagery from the people/places/entities that have tried to destroy or lay claim to us; it's about making a planet remember something it is trying so desperately to write off as dangerous and worth forgetting. the other two shapes the entity takes -- The Impossible and The Excavator -- will have their own entries and necessary combat skills attached. we hope to get these finished up and posted over the span of the next week or so. all of these will be written similarly to the guide to a wandering kadaj -- in the second person, as a gentle encouragement from us to the reader to explore other possibilities, other worlds, other ways of Being.

you don't even have to be a remnant of sephiroth to utilize these practices! some of them are just straight up fun. they could be bonding activities for friends, family of all shapes, roommates, systems -- especially groups of people who are at risk of erasure. as usual, take what interests you, leave what doesnt. share around at your leisure, with or without attribution. this isn't about ownership, it's about survival.

MULTIPLE NAMES

this feels pretty self explanatory. we think it's important keep a backlog of names, titles, and personal word-meanings that are threaded into our world. multiplicity is important because, in the case one name is removed, obstructed, demonized, or otherwise mangled, the backups are always there. it also allows for a bit of anonymity without erasure, if needed. codenames, if you will. some of ours are obvious (yazoo -> croceo -> amber; kadaj -> khadija/x(a)daj) and some less so (loz -> sirius AB; yazoo -> quiet-the-room). some of these we share and others are private. we suggest coming up with a handful of both public and private names. it may take some time to find ones that fit. or, you can be like kadaj, and just pile name on top of name on top of name until you're crushed under them and can't recall them all. don't feel bad if you yourself forget some of them, or decide certain ones don't work anymore. thank them for their time and send them on their way.

write the names you keep wherever you want. cut out strips of paper to keep them in a pretty box or in your go-bag of choice. get strange!! -- don't just pick words that are given the language-signifier of "name". name yourself after songs, items, paintings, concepts. sign off posts or introduce yourself using multiple names and titles, create new first-middle-surname combinations with what you have compiled. contrary to popular belief, you don't have to be trans or plural to hoard names -- you just get bonus points if that's the case.

MULTIPLE SHAPES

another common issue we've run into is a lack of very reliable visual-representations of us. the advent children fanbase on tumblr has shrunk significantly -- to the point where we're pretty sure we've run into every semi-active member on a post at least once. a lot of art, screencaps, gifs, and other such delights are 10+ years old. some of our rkive is nearing 15 onsite, and 20+(including preproduction/promotional material) offsite. with tumblr's obsession with marking images of us as "mature", the general crackdown on mature content across all platforms, and the ever-looming hammer of capitalism (and its hellspawn named "IP Law"), its seems likely that the longer us remnants go without any updated models or gameplay appearences, the less we will be seen as we originally appeared. so! we innovate!

it's common to find fictionfolk that don't exactly look like their "canon" counterpart. it's where the concept of kinsonas come from (i'm pretty sure?). get inspiration from others' kinsonas. are you prone to visions and vivid innerworlds like us? look into shapeshifting. i'm not kidding -- it's mostly a matter of focus, practice, and a LOT of imagination. once you find a shape that feels fun, try drawing it, or making it visible in the 3D plane in some way. don't have a vivid mind's eye or are aphantasic? can't draw? try writing in extreme detail what you want to look like. and we mean EXTREME detail. "my immortal" character introduction-style detail. if you're feeling brave (braver than us at least) and have the spare funds, use this description or drawings to commission someone. if you're in a more humanoid-ish mood: make picrews or sims; try out the monster girl makers. if you feel more abstract: make moodboards, hoard symbolic PNGs, create an 'exquisite corpse' of other art pieces you like. do these until you resonate with the body you've created.

like your name hoard, save these images somewhere special. post the ones that feel post-able, if its comfortable. treat these images and collections with the same level of care expected of a physical body -- do check-ups and check-ins, get body mods, clean out what doesn't resonate anymore.

NAME-SHAPES

aaaaand here's the real woo-woo shit. ya knew it was coming.

now that you have names and some imagery, its time to combine the two!

originally we tried to craft a cypher to encode more private names in a manner that is visible but not obvious what it says. that didn't work because we're not particularly creative in that way. so instead, we went with good ol' sigil making. sigils are basically symbols that capture the spirit of something. anything can be a sigil with the right intent: paintings, signatures, branding... but personal sigils are quick and easy.

there's plenty of examples of how to make sigils out there, but seeing as you're here and we wanna keep you occupied, here's the basics:
STEP ONE - write the name of your choice.
STEP TWO - break the letters down to their bare components

STEP THREE - rearrange those components in a way that feels nice. no need to use all the lines if you don't want, focus more on the essence and shape language of the name being used.

while doing this, try to focus on what the name you're shaping means to you. not what it means to the fandom, or a wiki article, and for fuck's sake not what it means to tetsuya nomura. whatever emotion sprouts from that meaning, pour it into your pen, stylus, finger, brush, whatever. if you feel good about what you've got, finish up with a bit of personal flair through colors, patterns, or polygons. if you're doing stuff digitally, try going through a shape hoard and adding those images to the background of the sigil. or if you've got a physical collection -- collage!

all of this will probably feel silly at first. it might feel like you're not "doing it right". but the idea is to keep going until it feels natural as opposed to "right". that might mean tweaking the instructions, or even watching others do it in a video. starting out, the simpler the better -- unless you want to go ham and REALLY train that muscle memory. once you get a name-shape that you like, start going wild with it!
some lower-risk ideas:

• practice signing artworks with it
• doodle it in notebooks as one would an amongus or a cool S
• order/pick up some postage stickers from the post office, draw on them, and stick them wherever you like
• make patches with embroidery thread or fabric paint

some higher-risk ideas:

• make stencils and spray paint your name-shape around town
• learn how to make and utilize wheatpaste (and don't accidentally make pancakes). go out with fellow remnants or a group of friends with a bunch of posters

(keep in mind, with any higher-risk activities, you run the risk of being "found out" if you use the same name-shape on notebooks and patches. multiplicity is key! mix it up, know your locale, keep situational awareness, and don't be a snitch <3)

with each of these activities -- from names to shapes and name-shapes -- put a shitload of intent behind each one. the average witchy-tutorial online will say you need little crystals and gadgets and five hail athenas to make a sigil work. as much as we love our gadgets, we say all it takes is saying, really loud in the back of your head: "THIS IS MY NAME AND SHAPE, I'M NOT LETTING ANYONE TAKE IT OR ERASE IT". again, you'll probably giggle. it might seem ridiculous, but as long as you put it out there, the planet takes the knowledge in and weaves it into its cycle. with enough of us doing this at a high enough frequency, an imprint will be left that is not as easily erased or censored as a social media post; internally, we build up resiliency that allows The Dissolutor and its cronies' attacks to bounce right the fuck off.

other common practices you might find state that in order for a sigil to truly "work" you must try to forget the shapes, burn them, release them into the wind and let chaos/the universe/the gods do their work. given the... unique circumstances we find ourselves in, being creatures that Something is seeking to make invisible, we don't think this is particularly applicable. in fact, the exact opposite is true. any remnant or other thoughtform should for real get really, really annoying about their name-shape, and carve it wherever it deems necessary in digital and physical space.

CONCLUSION (for now...)

so what's the point? all of these little games and collections... where does it leave us?

well, in our case, this is just a daily practice to assert our right to existence without compromise. choosing names and bodies for ourselves goes directly against what we are "told" -- by our creator, by the powers-that-be, by (shudders..)Society -- we need to be. the abstraction (finding and creating names/shapes in psychic/psychological or digital space) and the activity (making those names/shapes tangible in "the real world") are both important steps in slicing open the systems and narratives that deny or minimize our existence. also, the shits just kinda fun. despite what every hustle culture grifter on all sides will tell you -- fun and fantasy are just as important as direct action, especially in a world where The Dissolutor's many shapes expect endless servitude at the cost of the Self.

as with any practice we discuss, all of the things listed here have the potential to be draining. like any physical fight, we've been going up against something for several rounds, and regularly need to take a breather. we encourage readers to do the same. find space to rest -- that is also a form of combat and resiliency, especially in a world where The Dissolutor's many shapes expect endless servitude at the cost of the Self.

a gift i recieved from a neighbor in midgar-edge a few years ago was Tricia Hersey's "Rest Deck". the deck itself is part affirmative, part oraclular, and we've been returning to it as we take time between battles. much like the practices here, it was created by a black person to combat a world that demands we give up our right to pure existence to a "higher power". in Tricia's case, she made the deck with the intent of targeting capitalism and white supremacy by encouraging black women to take space for rest. i feel like taking a piece from the Rest Deck and highlighting it at the end of each of our posts in this series makes a good conclusion.

My dreams are enough.
My existence is enough.